Friday, January 23, 2009

There's no crying in triathlon...

They said that in the movie A League of their own in reference to baseball when one of the ladies burst out into tears during practice.

I kept thinking that this morning...tears streaming down my face.

No more hiding. It's been a tough road. Much tougher than I've let on in blogland. I'm not sure why I'm coming out with it now.

See sometimes there is crying in triathlon, and in life...

Sometimes you come off the biggest race of your life to leaving all your friends and the life you know to start all over.

Sometimes you feel all out of place and out of wack and nothings familiar.

Sometimes you push those you love away and the distance grows between you making you wonder how you're ever going to bridge the gap again.

Sometimes you just want to get yourself right and back to how you used to feel and what you know, and you try, but you keep running into brick walls.

Sometimes you try and talk to the swim coach and he's not there and in that same day you come to find out that in about a month the championship season is going to be over and they won't even open the pool until 9am leaving you in the same freakin situation you are now, swimming at 8pm.

Sometimes you just miss your friends, and feel alone, and want a routine and social interaction instead of spending every day in an office by yourself.

Sometimes you finally go for your first run in a week and your heart rate is off the charts and you end up walking a good bit of it while your tooth throbs and you feel so out of shape.

I know there are plenty of worse things out there..plenty of people who have it way worse and who have terrible diseases and have lost family members. It's not that you don't feel these things are bigger, it's just that sometimes you just want to take a moment and finally let the tears building up just come out so you can feel like you've had a good cry and you move on to trying to be the positive person that you usually are.

That's me. That's where I am. Life isn't easy. No one said it would be. No one has some perfect situation. No one has it easy, I don't care how it looks from the outside.

I'm going to keep praying, keep trying to get back to what I know and next week the schedule begins and I will swim wherever I can find a place and a time. If it's the hot pool, then it's the hot pool, if it's at 8pm, whatever, it's a 8pm. Most of all I just want to get back to some things that make me feel like me so I can start being the wife I used to be. Maybe with a few things back in place I can make some friends and not mind being by myself all day.

Sometimes it's just better to come clean, and let people know where you are so we all realize we're the same, we struggle, and life is hard. Luckily, we're in this together, and I'm thankful you're out there, and you're you and you share your struggles with me too. We help each other out of these places sometimes, and we're both the better for it.

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