The Bionic Woman January 12, 2010
Sometimes you can't see the Forrest for the trees.
In other words, You just can't see the big picture, because your are immersed in the details. I'm a details kind of girl (in some instances, I guess it depends on what we are talking about!). I certainly am better at understanding a goal, committing to it, and executing the smaller details to get there when I'm passionate about what I'm doing. When people describe me in certain areas of my life they use words like driven, committed, headstrong (or bull-headed) and focused. I'm thankful that they use those words, and I find it a compliment for the most part.
In a majority of my life those things do more good than harm. They help me put forth the time and effort it takes to get things done, to work hard and steadily even when it seems like the progress isn't as fast as I would like.
However, these same things that can be looked at as positive qualities, have been known to cause a few bumps along the road as well. When I set my mind on something, watch out, because for the most part, it's a given (good or bad).
Which brings me to today's visit with Dr. Bradley. I'm not quite sure where I got it in my mind that when I showed up today he was going to give me 100% clearance seeing as I've worn my sling (90% of the time) like I was instructed. It didn't really matter though, that's what I thought, and I'm not sure anyone could have told me something different. As far as I was concerned, I had done what I was asked and now my bone would be healed and I could resume life as normal (ie thank you very much, I'll be burning this sling now and heading strait to the pool).
Before I stepped foot on the office doorstep the answer was:
A: Swimming five times per week
and the question was:
Q: How bad do you want it??
The intern came in (who didn't look nearly old enough to be a doctor - which I guess means I'm getting old) and told me that I was about 70% healed / cautioned me about asking about swimming this soon. In my usual headstrong fashion, I quickly threw caution to the wind and hovered over my x-ray as the doctor and I examined every square inch of my newly remodeled collarbone.
He was smiling.. he looked at his work, and thought it was good. "How good?" I thought.. and decided to throw it out there.
So Doc, is it time to jump back in the pool and start training??
After a very perplexed look, he explained about three times while he pointed to the hole in my bone. He said at this point I was fine to run, fine to ride, but absolutely no swimming would be taking place for another five weeks...
I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right Doc? Something that sounded like five weeks just came out of your mouth and I can't really believe that would be the case. I took the Calcium remember?? I stayed in the sling for seven weeks?? I'm all done you see. You're just going to have to say all that again in a different way.
He raised his voice and explained it again. Nope, the words were still the same..five more weeks.
I started to tear up almost immediately and he proceeded to clear the room as quickly as he could shake my hand and open the door. Just like that.. races were removed from the schedule, and tears were running down my cheeks.
I'm quite sure that many people wouldn't understand. "You're out of the sling right?" they would say, "what's the big deal?" Well, it's hard to explain to people sometimes. Maybe it's just that I've never had a major injury before so God is giving me a special lesson in patience and perspective. Maybe I just love seeing my friends at Masters and I really miss them. Maybe this last year has just been really hard on the "Kim's Levels Of Hardness Experienced Thus Far," scale and I was hoping for a comeback of sorts this year. Maybe I was just ready for a routine that I find comfort in and enjoy working toward a goal that I felt was reachable if I could just...well....
None of that really matters though. When you break yourself, you have to pay the consequences and this is one of them. No swimming..for five more weeks. No St. Croix...which I have to say, I kind of had my heart set on.
Sometimes God has other plans. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way I guess.
With that said, after a few calls and some more tears, I got over myself and decided to be the best darn duathlete I possibly could for the next five weeks. I called Coach Luis and discussed the best ways to not overdo it while preparing the best I could for a late June race where I would pick up my goals where I left off. So much for backup races, in June I would put it all out there and see where it got me.
So Buffalo Springs Lake 70.3, here I come...again.
Am I really disappointed, yes. Am I convinced that everything is part of a greater plan...absolutely.
So in honor taking a few hours to be sick as a dog (which I am), cry (which I am a total girl and I did), and then come around (like I usually do)... now it's time to move on with life with a story that helped me through. Thanks John for posting it, it was just what the doctor ordered.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things, God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal." Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."