Friday, September 12, 2008

The Inevitable

There was no way around it. It has been building for weeks. It was just too much to handle and eventually, it was bound to come out. I had a small breakdown. I think life had just gotten too tough for me lately, and I kept holding it inside, and pushing it down deeper, and deeper that it just had to come out or it was going to kill me.

I'm not really a crier you see. Really, I'm not. I actually can't remember the last time that I did it. I spent the last two days out of town for work though, and by the time I was driving home last night at 8pm, and somehow K and I started having some "words" because I seem to have lost a receipt and it was just too much. I broke down.

I knew trying to sell our house, while living apart, while training for the Ironman, while working 40 hours was going to be a bit of a stretch. I think without the house issues coming up, it might have been a bit more do-able. Unfortunately, houses don't work like that though. Things come up, that's what they do!

Anyway, after having a nice crying session about how I couldn't take it anymore, I felt a lot better. I think K understood the toll our little spats were taking on me and seemed to think we could pull it together for the last three weeks until we left for the big trip. If anything else goes wrong, don't worry- I'll be setting the place on fire :) Burn Baby Burn!!

I think I had this image in my mind though that I would just be able to train and everything else would just be "perfect" allowing me to focus on that as one of the more important (but not most important) things in my life. I don't know where I got this idea, but it was a good thing I learned to let go of it. Things will not only NOT be perfect, they will probably fall even further apart during this crazy time of Ironman training. No ones life, who has a life, is really like that. Many people are training with children who are, and should be, of a much higher priority than swim and bike workouts. They're doing it, regardless of challenges, changes in schedules and shortened workouts. Let me say to those people - you are an inspiration. Really, you are. You make me want to whine less, and expand my perspective. Things will be far from perfect, and that is just fine.
THANK YOU for all of the sweet & encouraging comments. I recieved so many nice thoughts and I feel the love - REALLY - I DO!! You all rock. I have real friends in blogland that care about me.. how freakin cool is that. Life is good.

The good news is that K had someone stop by last night that might be a real prospect and seemed to like the house. The bad news is that I have a 7 hour ride scheduled and the chance of rain is 70%.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Oh - by the way, I missed our Anniversary due to traveling this week. So, in honor of not getting to see K that day, I vow to have a great fourth year of marriage and to work even harder at communication, and taking care of each other. Maybe next year we will even see each other that day!! What a concept!

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