Sometimes you have to ask yourself this. It’s the inevitable question. It comes up when you don’t know how to explain your emotions, when everything seems to be going wrong, when with one more thing you feel like you might just fall over an give up... why this, why now, why me. It’s in our nature to ask. We are programmed to ask the question even when we know there is an answer in sight.
One thing I’ve learned though, things always look clearer in hindsight. You may not understand now, but if you have faith in something more than yourself, you just might see there was a reason, even when the fog occluded the sunlight.
I write this as a person who’s living one life in one moment happy and thankful, and the next moment everything seems to be going wrong. If you think people are immune, or just because they don’t write about it they don’t’ have it too – you’re dead wrong. We all have problems, issues, challenges. We may not talk about it on something like a “blog” but we do. It’s not about how hard you hit the ground, it’s about how well you can bounce. Kyle and I, we’ve been doing a lot of bouncing lately.
As I ride around in a truck, with my husband who is not speaking to me because he is so upset about our house and everything that seems to be going wrong, it feels like an eternity of silence. At the time we want to, and need to, sell our house, it’s like money pit. Things are completely out of control. We get one thing fixed, another breaks. I swear it knows, and feels we are abandoning it. That must be why it’s revolting against us. Someone’s looking at it right now… 8:30pm on a Monday. So we had to leave. I’d like to be plopped in front of my TV, enjoying a bit of down time before the day starts again, but you “can’t always get what you want” they say. Maybe this person will be “the one” and we can stop this madness, and our house can not feel so abandoned so we can move on with our lives.
You see training is never just training. This is life. Life is messy. Sometimes, life is really tough. I’m having a hard time with our situation, but you have to keep it all in perspective. Someone out there just found out they have cancer, or lost a loved one, or their child got sick. These are the things that stop us in our tracks and make us wonder why we ever gave two thoughts to our measly situation at the time. When you are right there, in the thick of it though, it doesn’t seem that way. You wonder how you can possibly keep any more balls in the air without falling flat on your face. Sometimes, we still fall flat on our face, and I guess that’s ok too if we can get back up.
Pray for us, pray for our money pit house, and pray I can make it to the Ironman with a husband who doesn’t loose his mind, and therefore make me loose my mind. We need it. Thank you.