I don't have all the answers, just one...

So what I've found out is that I do a really great job of writing my blog at about 2:30 in the morning. It's usually between the bathroom and the "back to bed stagger" that I really start to get my groove on if my mind has been working on something while I'm sleeping. Granted, this is NOT by any means the ideal time to be thinking about heavy subjects. However, sometimes I just can't seem to sleep again until I work through a few of the things I have lingering in my mind can be dealt with in a way that makes sense, aka, on paper (or on computer!).

I traveled to Buffalo Springs Lake this past weekend with a great month and a half of training behind me and a hope in my heart to really put things together during a race. To be quite honest, it's been awhile since I've done that, and I was really hoping this weekend might be the one. The travel was fine, and Friday and Saturday were spent getting all the pre-race things done, putting together the bike, race meetings etc. and everything seemed pretty spot on. It was nice to travel to a race with my friend Jason, and to meet my friend Gary from San Diego down there to eat some meals and hang out as well.

Race morning I was excited about what was to come. I subscribed to following my racing / nutrition plan to a T and just seeing where things shook out. Looking out over the most gorgeous sunrise with a thousand or so athletes on the beach waiting to run into the lake, I felt I was right where I was supposed to be on that very day. I wasn't nervous anymore, I was ready to test myself. I picked a great spot to line up with the other 200 women and when the gun sounded I was bounding into the water and making a dive to find open water. Surprisingly, my line was really good and I sighted and made it around every buoy without having too much trouble staying strait or looking too often. At some point, I even found some feet of a girl going just a tad bit faster and I latched on to her side and occasionally her feet! I'll be! I was drafting!! I've always wanted to make it happen and it finally did! Awesome!

Before I knew it (which never happens, the swim always seems so long to me) we were rounding the last turn buoy and headed to shore. As the volunteers pulled me out of me the water I started to pull up down my wetsuit while I looked at my watch.. 29:XX really? No way.. really??!!!!! I had no idea if the swim was short or I just had an amazing day, but either way, I would take it. I was feeling great and couldn't wait to get on that bike. T1 went very well other than when I tried to really pull my helmet on tight the entire inside just unclipped from the strap! I must have had my bun too high and all the extra pressure just caused it to pull from the helmet. Either way, I knew I wasn't going out there without a proper function helmet so I unbuckled it, took it off, looked inside, re-attached the straps by pushing it into the helmet itself, put it back on and headed up. Hence, my T1 being a bit long. Hey, it's always better to be safe than sorry!!

The first hills came rolling in and my legs felt decent but my heart rate was high. I calmed down through the first 20-30 and started my nutrition plan. I aimed for a good cadence and a clean safe race, making sure I always had enough distance between myself and the other riders. The hills weren't bad at all and all in all, this is a great course with a bit of variation. The only difficult part was their were quite a few waves in front of us so I was constantly going around people on some tighter roads or downhills. We wove in and out of canyons, and then made the last turnaround for the 20 miles back to T2. When we turned I hit a pretty hard head wind and it was a grind to get those legs moving and keep pushing forward to the finish. It never let up, and neither did I. I definitely don't think I over-road my bike, and probably could have even rode a bit harder, but I wanted this run so badly to go well!!

T2 was uneventful, and I was off and running. Within the first few miles I noticed my legs weren't feeling as great as I would have hoped, but I ended up next to a women who was in her 40's and a very strong looking runner. We latched on and I decided she would be great for pacing us to a strong half-marathon. My stomach was feeling a bit bloated too.. it wasn't quite as hot as I had prepared for and the extra salt might have been messing with me just a bit. We turned the corner up a huge hill, and I seemed to be loosing ground on staying with my new partner. She turned to me and said "this is where we pick them off" and I nodded yes, but my legs were really saying "please! No!" It seemed way to early for this to be happening in my mind!

Then it happened, I started thinking about all the girls out there in front of me, how bad my legs felt, what I would do if I DIDN'T have an exceptional run, and it all got way to large for me to handle. I let the negative creep in and the hill start beating me down. Everyone around me was walking.. what would it hurt...just for a second... before I knew it, I was one of them too, walking along, feeling nauseous. For the next two miles I tried to talk myself off the ledge, then there went another girl in the 30-34, shoot, I was loosing ground and fast. Somewhere along there I tried to make myself puke, no luck. So instead I took two of those pepto bismol tablets that I keep for emergencies only trying to bring the stomach around. Finally, at one of the aid stations around mile 5 I had a heart to heart with myself.. "what was I so afraid of?" Not getting to Kona? Not being as good as I think I am?? Disappointing my coach? My team? What KIM!!" I had already known in my heart why I was racing all along, not for me, but for all those who couldn't and because I believed that was what God wanted me to do, not for me, but for him. As I walked along, I realized that this is it.. right here, what's it going to be...you can't have both. So I got over myself... best decision I've ever made. Instead I started running mile by mile, not looking once at my pace, only concentrating on the sound of my breath and my feet on the pavement. I stopped worrying about the Kona slot, or the other girls, or if I would let anyone down if I didn't do well, and I looked deep into my heart to see why I was really racing, and I put my money where my mouth was...

The miles from then on just came and went. My legs didn't feel great, but they didn't hurt like they did in those first miles, not even remotely close. I let it all go, and I finally came out of my funk to encourage other athletes and thank the volunteers. It was the better version of me that prevailed, the one I actually like most of the time!

When I saw the finish, I gave it one final little kick, but I knew my run was wasn't nearly where I needed to be to have a chance at the big dance. Then again, I knew a lot more about myself than I did when I started.

It's really easy to be positive and upbeat when things are going our way. Sometimes, we don't get what we want, but it's exactly what we actually need. I've been humbled over the last two years in my life like I couldn't have ever imagined if someone would have read it to me aloud prior. I came off the biggest and best race of my career, only to encounter emotional stress in my relationships that made the rest of my trials looks like child's play. I tried again and again to put a race together last year, only to end with a broken collarbone and no sense of if I should keep racing, or if I did, why would I. Then I met Ty & Ryan Ballou (and their family) and I had a renewed sense of purpose and meaning in this sport. I wanted to get better in the sport, but it became less about me, and more about helping. The question still remained, how would I react when I wasn't having the day that I hoped for in my heart, that I felt I was capable of having if the mental and physical were firing on all cylinders and giving me the edge...that my friends.. wasn't known... until now.

We all have demons, that's a given. We all have fears to face, and things we may only get to deal with when we are stripped down to our very core. Don't you see, that's one of the reasons why we race. Courage isn't the absence of these fears, it's the ability to counter them when they do arise with a faith that the outcome doesn't define who we are as people. Not only that, that in the end, win or loose, we will learn the lessons that are to be taught and maybe even share those lessons with others.

So what do I want more.. to stand on the first place of the podium, or to impact lives, to reach my potential as a person, to become a better coach, to stand up against my fears, to help Ryan and boys like him, to enjoy racing not for the "Kona" factor, but because I love everything it brings with it.. good or bad..

It's most definitely the second one. Some might have think I failed this weekend. That I didn't bring it home, and that I'm less because of it. I have something to say to those people, I'm more.. I'm more me.. I'm happier and I'm more thankful.. for all of it, than I was on June 26th.

News flash.. no one will remember what place or time you came in, they will not remember if you went to Kona, or if you had your personal record in 2010 at Buffalo Springs Lake 70.3.. They will however, remember how your life looked, what you did with it, who you touched..I'm not saying I ever do that.. but I'll be danged if I let my place on the podium define who I am. So I have a little work to do on my mental game..and I'm looking forward to the day when both of those things come together.. sometimes pressure is a good thing and sometimes we crumble under it for a little bit, we're only human you know :)

So, while I don't know why things happen the way they do sometimes.. I still trust in the plan and that will never ever change. I might not have all the answers, but I certainly do have that one.. today, tomorrow and forever, I'll still have it.

I was sad for about 24 hours, and then I got over it. Now, it's on to other things.. like not training so much for a bit and deciding what the rest of the year might look like! I can't wait for the fourth of July and some time to just relax and be thankful for my health, family and friends..Congrats to all who raced. It was a hot and hard day out there, and I had some special moments with a few of the athletes that really renewed my hope and made me fall in love with the people in this sport all over again. I can't say them here, they are so personal, but trust me, we have some of the best people out there to race alongside.. it's a pretty special thing.

Thanks for your support..and love, and never giving up on me. Thank you Kyle, my Mom, my family, my friends, The Ballou Skies team, and the Ballou family.. My sponsors, Top Gear, Super Donut, and Powerbar. I wouldn't be half the person or athlete I am without you..

A few pictures below for your viewing pleasure...

The car had a nuun holder.. how convenient!

This is my "don't mess with Texas" look in Target

Jason found his own deli

Texas had a lot of flat lands.. and more.. um flat lands..

Transition race morning.. getting set up!

After the race I hung out with these guys who had their championship race. Pretty amazing athletes if you ask me.. they were there to qualify for Hawaii! Really awesome to meet them and I couldn't be more impressed with their abilities.. way to go!!

Jason made a special shirt and I'm about 99% sure we both "got on the pain train" that day..

Then.. we ate this.. all of this..

Then we went to the awards dinner and I got to hang out with Gary and his friends!

The women pros got there awards too, and it was wonderful to see so many hard working women reap some rewards! I know Amanda Lavato and Charisa pretty well, and both are really nice people and had some impressive races! Way to go ladies! I was rooting for you the whole time!

Charisa and I

Ian, also a pro (10th place) and a very nice person. It was good to finally meet him in person.

Amanda and I

Gary getting his award (3rd place!) He's already got his Kona spot, so that was nice to hear.

There I am, the last one they called on stage in 6th place.

Only in Texas can you get a truck this big!!

Have a great and safe Holiday weekend everyone!

On To The Next One.. Buffalo Springs Lake 70.3!

My friend Gary & I last year at BSLT! Can't wait to see you my friend!!

There is a plane flying out of Pittsburgh tomorrow at 7:40am to Lubbock, Texas (with a stop in Houston) and yours truly will be on it! You wait all this time, you train month after month, you think about it, you dream about it, you plan your life around it..

and then..

it's finally here..the big one... and you wonder "Am I ready?" Well, let me tell you, there isn't one other thing I could have done differently to get ready for this race. So, the answer is a resounding "yes" from this girl!

You do your best with the time, energy and ability you have.. then, there's nothing left to do but execute, and that my friends, is the fun part. The part where you get to see how the day unfolds, where you put your plan into action and let your heart take over in the last miles. There are things you know, like that it will be incredibly hard, and it will require all the mental strength you can muster, but that's when you know that you're doing exactly what you were meant to do on that very day. One of my favorite quotes is:

“To give anything less than your best
is to sacrifice the gift.”– Steve Prefontaine

I can't really promise much about the day, except God-willing, I'll be there and I won't do anything less than my absolute best. For Ryan B, for my family, for my Coach & for everyone who's supported me in getting to this race by being there during my training and encouraging me, thank you.. you are my heros, and I'm so thankful for you. I'm healthy, have no issues, and provided my equipment arrives and nothing extrodinary happens, I'll be running toward the water at Buffalo Springs lake at 7:05am representing Ballou Skies one more time.

Am I nervous, a little, but mostly I just feel excited to see what happens. The outcomes will be the outcomes, and as I said last week, those will be a result of the rest of the day. I'm lucky to have another Pittsburgh friend (who was also in St. Croix) traveling down as well, so Jason and I will be eating, pre-racing, and doing the thing on Sunday. I also have a great friend, Gary, who will be there representin the 70-74. He's already got his slot to Hawaii, so this one is just for giggles.

Feel free to pray for a safe day for me, and for all the athletes. The weather in Lubbock is looking nice and toasty.. sunshine all day long! If I come off that bike hydrated, and I will, I'm looking forward to trying to put one together if that is what the big man wants.. we'll see!

Last year at Buffalo Springs

Please track me at www.ironman.com, Buffalo Springs Lake 70.3, athlete tracker - womens 30-34.

If you wonder what's going on inside my head during about mile 8 of that run, just at the point where you've used up the last of your positive mantras and your legs are screaming for you to slow down, or better yet stop... I'll just be chanting as Jay-z says below...

I’m on to the next one..

On to the next one
On to the next one
On to the next one
On to the next one
On to the next one
On to the next one

Going Going.. Ballou Skies Facebook Page Continues to Climb!

It's still going, the Ballou Skies Facebook page now has 608 members.. However, I have ten jars of peanut butter still in my office and trust me, you don't want me to eat all these myself (although I bet Marit could give me a run for my money!!). As I said on my other blog post last week - just sign up 30 people for the page and you are golden! Email me and I will send you this lovely prize package for FREE including peanut butter etc.

In other news, it was a stunning weekend of weather here in Pittsburgh. Am I allowed to call the weather stunning?! Well, if I'm not, too bad, it was beautiful, sunny and mostly dry!

I had a spectacular last little longish ride on Saturday and a ten mile run yesterday around North Park. From Saturday at 3:00pm until 9:00pm I worked on my USAT Level One coaching certification. Somewhere it had slipped my mind that yes, I actually have to PASS a written test before I can get my certificate. Well, I had no idea how not really hard, but TIME CONSUMING this thing would be! Within an hour, I had only done about ten of the multiple choice and I still had about sixty to go, plus fourteen short answer, plus TWO long essays. Wow.. I just put my head down and kept going the entire way until I got to the two long questions.. then my brain was fried and I decided I needed dinner!

Sunday was a fun day because we had our beginner tri group at the Washington Oval doing transition practice! I wouldn't even say I'm amazing at transitions, decent, but not amazing. Chad, my fellow coach for the program & good friend, told a great story about how when he qualified for Kona in 2007, the guy who was next in line to get the slot actually swam, biked and ran FASTER than Chad, but all of his transitions were really slow and Chad out T1 & T2'ed him.. and hence, secured his victory! Just goes to show you, you have to be good at ALL of the race, not just the swim, bike and run!

So, we lectured, and then - we practiced! It was really a great time!!

Each group of three was timed so we had someone to "compete" against!

Chad set up his bike and went over how everything would work..

We talked about everything from skinsuits, trisuits, to proper T1 & T2 etiquette (no, you can't be moving other peoples stuff - none of that!)

Chad did a practice run through. Usually he has his shoes right on the bike, but for the sake of our group, was willing to put them on in Transition.

I of course practice my silly poses and sweating my hiney off while wearing my wetsuit in the middle of a 85 degree day! I really was sweating within SECONDS of putting this thing on.. it was a good chance to practice though, you just never know where those seconds will pay off!!

Group number two, ready to throw down getting out of the "pool" (or grass as we call it).

Peter won the beginner group. You should have seen him. He was NOT messing around!

Angela made the quick T1 and even had to pull her bike off the ground to get it going! Then her pedal broken about 10 seconds after she mounted the bike.. darn it!

All in all, it was a fun day with a lot of laughs and tons of really great questions. I enjoy this group so much. They really do brighten my day and make me so happy I became a coach to help others get started!

Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!!

Laying it out there!

http://www.asiorders.com/view_user_event.asp?EVENTID=63148&BIB=509&S=230&PWD

Some St. Croix Pics for your viewing pleasure! Ramon's photos were so good, I don't even have to order them! yes! Thanks Ramon!!

Did you ever notice how most athletes aren't willing to verbalize their goals to others. I think it's a combination of a fear that

A. Saying them out load makes the fact that they are striving for a desired outcome "real"

B. Having others know about it all the of the sudden makes us worry that we won't achieve them

C. It doesn't seem humble, and therefore, we tend not to want to verbalize them and risk seeming arrogant.

Let's face it though, besides the first time at any new distance (Triathlon, Half Iron, Iron), we all have something in mind that we want to try and achieve. If we didn't, then we would all just be out there having a cocktail at mile six of the run, commenting on the tri outfits we liked and getting a tan! One of the main reasons we do this sport is because we want to get better, darn it! We want to test ourselves, we want to work toward something that may have ten years ago seemed like a pipe dream! We WANT to cross a finish line, certainly, but it sure wouldn't hurt if we crossed it five minutes faster than last year right :)

Whether you are a "shout it from the roof tops" kind of person, or a "secretly hold it in my heart" kind of person, we all have hopes and dreams, and that is a beautiful thing. I love seeing them spring up like a well from the new triathletes I am working with right now.. their hearts are open, and their mind is filled with stories yet untold.

Obviously, some really hot racing happened last weekend, and some people fought their way through it and had some amazing stories to tell at the end. They inspired me, and made me wonder how they felt about their "day" out there.

All of it makes me think a lot about how we can do every last bit of training on the schedule sometimes, and it still isn't even CLOSE to a guarantee that we are going to have even a remotely good day out there. I always say "It's the Quest" to have that perfect day that keeps us coming back year after year!

I like to think of what happens out there in three ways from an article I read somewhere once, not my idea, but an adaptation on what I read at somewhere, sometime..it was really good, and it must have sunk in..

Goals - are the BIG things. The sayings we have in our mind pre-race, for example, "I am going not going to give up, no matter how I feel out there, or I'm going to be mentally tough and follow every last detail of my nutrition plan." These are things we have some amount of control over with our attitude, how we adapt to changes or mechanical issues within the race and how we plan and prepare before the race (having the right amount of fuel on the bike etc.).

Targets - This is what we are shooting for as athletes, for example, "I will maintain a 166 heart rate for the bike, I will run a 7:00 pace per mile on the run, or average 200 watts for the second half of the bike etc." We have a little less control over these things but they can be looked between you and your coach as what may help you achieve your final result, which brings me to the final part - outcomes.

Outcomes - These are the tangible numbers and final splits we can look at after the race is over. It's your final place, or time, or position within your age group. These are things that we can look back on, but it's the first two things that help us get to this particular part.

If you put your focus and energy into the first two, then the third part, or the outcome, may be within your reach. However, regardless, by learning how to do the first two well, I think we have a much higher chance of yes, getting to the outcome, but even more so, being satisfied with the things we did well in a race, EVEN IF we don't get our desired "result or outcome."

What do I want to happen in a week or so in Lubbock, Texas, well, that's easy, I'll tell you right here and now - I want to find some feet to draft off of during the swim and sight well. I want to ride an appropriate pace that within myself and my abilities for the first 1/2 - 3/4th's of the bike, I want to fuel properly on the bike and have a back up plan if something happens (loss of bottle, loss of gel). I want to run the first few miles out of transition at a specific pace and assess my legs / hydration status. I want to get to mile 6-8 feeling decent and then hopefully even pick it up a little bit. I want to be hydrated and fueled properly so I can run, not just for a few miles, but for the ENTIRE 13.1 miles.. even that is a good "goal" for me right now!

If those things happen, then we will see what the outcome is from there. For the most part, we all do the training, it's what we do from 7:00am on race day, all the outside factors, how we handle them, and executing the plan that either gives us desired "outcome" or not. If you do the first two parts well, then that's really all you can do. If my mind starts playing tricks on me i.e. "that swim was slow, you're not in a good position, who was that who just passed me on the bike - I think she was in my age group, or geezz.. my legs feel like lead" I'm going to go right back to part one & part two, if I'm doing those well, then I carry on, and at the very least, just like any other race, I finish. Even that in itself is a pretty big feat some days!

Finally, I have to say a little something about faith. The way this plays a part in that section of race day from the gun on...is one of the biggest reasons I love to race so much. I do all the training, yes, I visualize, I plan, I prepare, but I still truly believe that if God wants me to have a good day, well, then darn it, I will. Some factors will always be out of our control, but when I have an attitude of thankfulness just to be out there, and when I'm doing one of the things I feel I was created to do to the best of my ability, well, there has to be some joy in my mind and in my heart all day... So, when things didn't go so well at St. Croix, I still knew, God was with me, and he helped me to overcome those feelings of disappointment and anger. In the end, I was pleased at my attitude most of all, and that was a victory for me. Who knows, maybe that was part of the process I needed to come back at this next race to be the athlete, and person, that I'm becoming one day. My perspective and knowledge of all of that with my pea sized brain isn't nearly enough to know the full plan. Therefore, I'll just keep chipping away at it and doing my best until I feel theirs something else I should be doing!

So, I it's the quest that will always keep me coming back, but there sure is a lot more too it than just the numbers at the end. I hope this helps you as you get out there and race this season too..

Go get em out there.. have fun my friends.. thanks for being a part of my journey!!

Ballou Skies Two Mile Walk & WHO WANTS PEANUT BUTTER

The heavy training is in full effect, and let me say, I felt that 5k I did on Saturday for the REST of the week! My quads just never recovered fully, so I'm looking forward a day when the taper finally arrives. I hear it might be from Friday 6/18 on.. so needless to say, I'm ready!!

This Saturday brought some really high temps (which are great prep for Buffalo Springs!) and the Ballou Skies walk at 9:00am in Robinson Center. We had about 100 walkers donning Ballou Skies gear and lots of smiles because it was a great day to do something good.
Right from the beginning I was so happy to be there. Obviously, I knew a lot of the people attending, but it was just awesome to see everyone coming together to walk for Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Many walkers just registered the day of the walk, and there were people everywhere!
The ballon making guy - who doesn't love this guy - he makes EVERYONE happy :)
Ty got up on the firetruck to say a few words about Ryan, his fight to find a cure for MD, and our guest appearance of the day Charlie Batch, Pittsburgh Steeler Quarterback.
Charlie is one amazing guy. Ty met him ON a flight when he just happened to be sitting next to him and Charlie was on his way to ANOTHER charity event about a month or so ago. Ty asked him to come to the Ballou Skies walk after telling him about Ryan and Charlie agreed to come right then an there. Later that day, he was hopping on a plane to another charity event down in Tampa. This guy gets around!

We had a great time, and walked (which I um, never really do much of, and you know what, it was nice) for MD.
Two circles around the parking lot and Merett and Ryan were right there with us showing us how it was done. Merett had her new little baby, Robert, to push around so she was doing double the load!
Charlie posed with Ryder & Ryan Ballou at the finish
The whole Ballou Family - Ryder, Robert, Merett, Ryan, Alley & Ty with Charlie
A few people asked for my autograph, but I told them go ahead and get Charlie's instead.. he seemed appreciative (lol)
Hanging out with with my friend Ryan.. the sun was bright. I couldn't see a dang thing in this picture!
Charlie's wife was so sweet. They have their own foundation for youth in disadvantaged areas to play basketball in the summer. It's called The Best Of Batch Foundation. Very cool people with big hearts!

Thanks so much to both of them, and everyone else, who came out and supported us at the walk that day!! So fun!!

With that said, it's time to have a little fun!

We need some more friends on our Facebook cause page. I bet Ty I could get more than 300, and he said I'm on!

SOOOO here's the deal, the first ten people who get at least 30 of their friends to sign up to be our friends on Facebook, and email me at kxd185@hotmail.com, will receive a fabulous prize package directly from yours truely. It will contain a jar of delicious natural Ballou Skies Peanut Butter

Exhibit A.

A Ballou Skies Bracelet

AND a new workout CD made by me!!

So, please, please, please.. send out those requests, call your friends and harass them, and do whatever it takes. The second you can confirm that 30 people have signed up to befriend our cause, email me with your name, address, and the names of your friends that signed up!! The first ten people who do it.. you'll get this lovely prize package and even more so, the knowledge that you've done your part in helping us create a network for MD. I know I can get 300 this week!! I'm not backing down until we reach it. By my calculations, that means 844 by the end of the week.

Here we go! Thanks guys!! Can't wait to see if this actually works!

In other quick news - Congrats to Jeremy Corman who qualified for Kona this past weekend at Eagleman!! Go Jeremy!!

On Saturday night it was time for my Cousin's reception which was very laid back. It involved lawn games and sparklers, so who can't be a fan of something like that! Grace looked beautiful, and so happy, so that was a blessing.
I caught up with family and saw my Mom. It's very sad in some ways that she'll be leaving for Florida soon to her new house. I'm going to miss her soooo much.

I grew up with my cousins, and now they all have children (well most do) so there's a whole new batch of little ones running around playing together. It reminds me of us when we were little. We all told stories and laughed. It was a blast.

The "Why"

I think it was ELF's blog this week on Success that got me thinking a bit about this sport and all the last five years I've spent pursing this part of my life. I did my first triathlon on the day I registered for wedding gifts in 2005. I walked into Sears like I had just won the lottery with no other remnants of my very first tri than a faint outline of a number on my arm, and a big @ss smile on my face. That year, I did one tri. The next year, four (two sprints and two olympic distance races). The following, it was on to Eagleman 70.3, which will start this Sunday with a loud fog horn at approximately 7:00am.

No one ever said it would be easy, and that's precisely why I liked it from the very beginning. I started learning things that I stunk at right away (starting with swimming :). I struggled, I ranted and raved, sometimes I cried, but mostly, I just put my head down and decided that I was going to get better at this sport (or these three sports in succession) if it killed me. I wasn't a quitter, and I wasn't about to start now.

With that said, as time has gone on, I've had to keep re-evaluating my position within the sport. I've crossed a few things off my triathlon bucket-list, and added a few more. I've made some progress in some things, and much progress at others. I've competed against some of the worlds best, and enjoyed seeing others friends succeed almost as much as I've enjoyed my own success. The question always looming over my head - How do I define my criteria for success? What is it about racing that I love so much? So, I gave it some thought today on my last mile of my run of the 24 or so I've put in over the last three days. Quads aching, somewhere down in the depths of my soul I found the answer(s)...

Success for me is:

• Not hitting the snooze button when it says ungodly o'clock in the morning and all I feel like doing is sleeping in.

• Earning a day off from training at the end of the week and knowing I put everything into it that I could possibly muster.

• Seeing the sun rise as I drive to pool in the morning, and watching it set from the bike at the end of day while the wind rushes past my face and loving every second of it.

• Sharing the knowledge I've learned with other soon-to-be triathletes as they begin their journey. Helping them avoid mistakes and laughing about all the crazy things that we do to become better athletes.

• Taking away lessons from every single experience, and using those to build and mold me into the athlete, and person, I hope to become one day.

• Meeting some of the most exceptional people in this sport that I have ever encountered, of all ages, ethnicity's and from all over the world, hearing their stories and relating on a level that transcends all of those aspects.

• Traveling all over the country, seeing new sites and realizing how lucky I am to be healthy and see the beauty all around me.

• Testing myself, every workout, every day, and every time I race. Seeing how far I can push myself and being disciplined to go hard, and back off.

• Listening to my body, reading the signs and trying to be balanced to both love training, but to not miss the important things.

• Chatting with Ryan, knowing how much he cares about what we're doing as a team to raise awareness of MD, and never wanting to let him down.

• Facing my fears, and realizing that this whole experience is much bigger than just about me.

• Being thankful that I have these talents and abilities, and never loosing sight of how lucky I am to just be enjoying what I love so much. Thanking God for it every day.

As I think of those racing Eagleman this weekend, my first half, and where I'll be in two weeks from now on Sunday, I can't help but think of these things. There comes a time before the pain ensues that we not only can't avoid the question of "why" we are doing this, but where we also must define the truth behind what success really means for us. Even if we don't have the best day, or the most amazing race ever, there must still be other reasons why we do this or lets face it - We all would have quit a long time ago!!

It's hard, it's gut-wrenching, it take discipline and sacrifice and 90% of the work is done on an open road somewhere with just you vs. you. And the truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way. So when you're out there, just make sure you know the "why" and have your own criteria for success... result you were looking for or not, know what you'll do with that information either way...and most of all, come out with a better sense of who you are as a result.

Thinking of all of you this weekend, and praying for a safe, clean and amazing race....

Oh..and I almost forgot, in case you were wondering about my dancing skills, I obviously have gotten them from good friend, and music mogul, P Diddy.. so, no more haters.. gotta keep it fresh ya'll!

Thanks to my friend Jason who is spending quality time at work to make this picture happen!