Ramblings that may or may not make sense..

Blessed are the hearts that can bend, they shall never be broken…But I wonder…If there’s no breaking, then there’s no healing. And if there’s no healing, then there’s no learning. And if there’s no learning…then there’s no struggle. The struggle.. well it's is a part of life.  - one tree hill

I'm a bit embarrassed to say that old reruns of one tree hill are often in the background while I'm working during the day.  I missed this teeny-bopper show the first time around but you know what, there are a few good life lessons in there and this was one of them darn it. 

I've been thinking a lot lately (no surprise there oh miss philosophical) about what we spend the most time doing and how that's like a testament to what we find important or a priority.  As we get older if you ask people who they are it's so interesting to hear how they respond.  I'm a _____.  For many it's defined by their vocation.. what they do.  For other's it's by their relationships "I'm a __insert Mother, husband, wife, Brother etc."  It's hard to pick one word or even a sentence that defines each of us.  We all are a combination of all of these things.  

When I look at where I spend my day, much of it is training, talking / writing to athletes, analyzing nutrition or as the communication director for the group SCAN (Sports, Cardiovascular & Wellness Dietitians).  Out of all of those things, I'm fortunate the Kyle was willing to foot the bill a bit this year while I got up and running or I would never have the chance to see if I could make a business work on my own.  None of it is easy, and I work all the time, but it never feels like work.  

When I think about the people who I've met who are the most fulfilled in what they are doing on a daily basis or those that seem the "most alive" to me I always take note of their energy and think about what gave me that vibe.  I always try to look deeper, try to understand their motive because that's where I think the real fulfillment lies.  They aren't doing it for money, sure money is nice, pays the bills, makes life a bit easier, but even with all the money in the world you can't buy fulfillment.  It's not for sale.  

The biggest challenge in life I think is finding that thing that is just so easy to do it's natural and doesn't even have to be thought about.  It's the thing that brings us joy and that doesn't expect anything in return from us or vice versa.  It's the thing we were made for.   I also think our motives do matter and if those motives are to serve others I think we find more fulfillment that way as well.   That can mean serving your family, your church or just someone who could use a little help along the way.  That's when we really do have the insights and other words from God bestowed upon us.  We can hear the voice more clearly and it guides us to where we are headed. 

It's easy to say we can't find that thing.. that thing that we love or are passionate about.  It's easy to say that we are too old or that too much has happened to us.  It's much easier to put it off because we have responsibilities that must be taken care of or people depending on us.  I believe that is a choice to say those things (and of course, they may or may not be partly or mostly true, but it still shouldn't be the final determining factor).  I believe things change every day that make it possible to discover our dreams & purpose if we just look around and listen to that inner voice.  I also believe what we put out into the world has a way of circling around and coming back to us.. karma if you will but even more so than that.  I also think a part of it is being thankful for what we do have and not comparing ourselves to others. 

Life is crazy and this year has been nothing short of that for me personally.  So far, my rookie pro year has been anything but successful on paper and yet I'm starting to see that it's just the opposite in real life. The places I've been, the things I'm learning, the people I'm meeting since I put myself out there are very real and wonderful.  I've been really low at times, but it's the thoughts of the above that have brought me through and made me realize that the heartbreak, the pain and the suffering is part of the learning.  We can only  be who we are.  Sometimes that's our broken down selves and we need someone there to pick us up again and other times we're the ones (hopefully we are!) doing the picking up.  Just like the quote I mentioned above.  Some of the most amazing things have come from what on paper look like "DNF's" or other not so great "results".  We can't be defined by paper or by what people think of us.

Most of all this year has been about learning and growing.  Understanding what it's going to take to be a business owner, wife, professional triathlete and so many more things all at the same time.  I'm thankful for my ability to bend and not break and for those around me who help me always see there is so much more ahead like Kyle, my coach, my family, my friends and sometimes people I don't even know.

The other day I bumped into one of my athletes while going into my office (aka Starbucks) and he was with another person having a coffee.  When he introduced me he said "This is my coach.  This women, she saved my life."  Then he gave me a huge hug and it just made me feel like I'm right where I am supposed to be at this moment in my life.  I can only wish everyone else out there would have those same small glimpses of where they are supposed to be or if you don't know.. just look up at the sky and sincerely ask.  

"Success is not achieved by winning all the time. Real success comes when we rise after we fall. Some mountains are higher than others. Some roads steeper than the next. There are hardships and setbacks but you cannot let them stop you. Even on the steepest road you must not turn back". 
- Muhammad Ali