It's Time...

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. - W.M. Lewis

When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Whether it's staying over at a friend's house, or getting asked to prom, it's all about the search for a fun time, a time to make memories! Then you grow up, and life becomes more about being cautious. You could break a bone, or even worse, a heart. Somehow it starts to be more about paying bills, achieving what the world labels as "success" and about taking care of our "responsibilities". We're taught to weigh all of the factors, look before we leap and sometimes we don't even leap at all because we're worried there might not be anyone there to catch us.

There are all kinds of fears that can prevent us from making the leap. They are different for each one of us, but surprisingly, they are probably closer to each others than even we might think. Haven't you ever worried about all the what if's? You know.. What if

___insert your choice of worry here__

I disappoint someone I love, or worse, I disappoint myself

I can't do it

I'm too old

I'm not qualified

I'm not skilled enough

I get hurt

people make fun of me / laugh at me

my goals are silly

It's too late

I can't even get past the first step

You know exactly what I'm talking about. Each of us shares these same fears, these same issues that keep us from achieving all we are capable of in this life.

It reminds me of my senior year's Penn State's cross-country shirt. Each year we picked a shirt "theme" and it was very personal to each of the members and combined all of our individual goals into one saying. It was always a struggle to choose. Each year, after all the debate, we would arrive at a our theme, victorious as one unified whole... ready to take on the season ahead.

My senior year the shirt theme was "It's Time." When I started we were a band of misfits, pulled together as everything from walk-on athletes to those recovering from long standing injuries. We didn't have any chance of doing anything in the Big Ten, but as the years went on we bonded together. Over time we became strong and finally were becoming a team to be reckoned with when we toed the line. It was our season, our time to finally shine, our decision to put it out there.. it had been a long time coming...but "our time" was finally here.

What allowed us to finally put that on the shirt was the same thing that allowed us to overcome all of the "What if's" listed above. We had been through trials and tribulations, injury, family issues, and even coming in dead last to finally becoming the team we were today, standing tall and together. Alone, we were nothing... but together, we were unstoppable. It gave us confidence and when any one person had doubts, we quickly erased them from each others minds with encouraging words and affirmations of our strength and ability not to let each other fall.

The sum was always stronger than the parts. Though it wasn't the season we'd hoped for in the end, I never regretted learning the valuable lessons I had come to see come to fruition in college.

Triathlon is a very individual sport in some ways and in other ways, that couldn't be farther from the truth. It takes a village to raise an Ironman, and I truly believe that. I don't know if you met my family, my group of friends and extended friends, my fellow bloggers.. but let me tell you..

I couldn't do this alone if I tried (and I'm pretty sure 100% of YOU would say the exact same thing).

We all have those fears, me included, but when I go to take the leap I always know they will be there, my safety net, to catch me should I start to fall.

That's where the freedom comes in.. to overcome those fears and to stand up against them. The goal is to not let them paralyze you, but instead to take control of each one and ward it off with the reason why it won't be the thing that stops you. When you do this successfully, you in turn teach yourself and will yourself to make the commitment to stand up once again and take the leap (whatever leap you want).

With that said, I'm ready to make the leap again. It's Time my friends. Do I feel 100% ready, well, not necessarily...but that doesn't change the fact that I'm going to do it anyway. Do I have fears...heck YEAH! Having fears is a given, but I have huge support system and that makes me ready to combat them and do it anyway.

In 2012 I will be competing as a professional triathlete. There I said it!!

I'm not doing it for the money, obviously :) Ha. Gosh knows there isn't much of that in the sport! I've taken a long time to look at my reasons and they have come back the same time and time again. I don't want to have any regrets about my life, so I've given this little adventure some rules of my own so that I can keep my perspective. I've talked to many other professionals in our sport who are not only realistic about why they do it, but that have been willing to offer advice and help every step of the way. There is no better time than the present, and the present is right now baby!

I have some big questions of my own next year. Can I finally learn to swim (#1), Can I figure out a way to bike closer to 5:10-5:15 for 112 miles? (#2), Can I run faster than 3:17 off the bike in an Ironman (#3)? So, here's to 2012 and seeing what is possible! Life is about so many things for me including helping others, having so much fun and seeing just where this next part of my journey will take me.

Thank you to my family, friends, fellow bloggers & tri friends, sponsors and of course, to Kyle,

my number one supporter and the one who is there for me in thick and thin.. You all have been with me every step of the way so far, and I know I'll need a lot more of that great support over the next year!! I love you all and I appreciate everything you do for me!!

Cheers to taking the leap in 2012!!

The Places You Can Go...

Oh the places my sports life has taken me over the years. I was just thinking about my career the other day and I realized at this point it is about 17+ years and counting since I started competing. It's been everything from running around a cross-country course in bun-huggers in high school, as we sometimes called them, competing as an athlete at Big Tens all over the country in college, to traveling all over the world doing triathlons after literally teaching my self to swim in 2005.

It hasn't been an easy road at times, but it's been more fun than I would have ever imagined. Oh the people I've met, the places I've gotten to go and the experiences I've had... I'm just so utterly grateful for each and every one of them.

From not sleeping for what seemed like weeks at a time in college (I had some sort of serious anxiety issues back then, and still sometimes now!), to now being a two time Ironman World Championship finisher. Life sure is a blessing!!

We found this guy pictured above on a beach while we were exploring and I named him "Brian" because he looked like a Brian to me!

Kyle and I hung out after the race and just had fun.. in this picture we had just woken up after napping under a tree on the beach.

I just couldn't think of anything else except for how even when races don't go the way we planned, it's just never a bad day to finish and Ironman.. standing and for a good cause like Ballou Skies.

These other pictures are just some of the other places my life has taken me.. including this fun picture that my Mom finally sent me of us doing a 10k when I visited her over Easter. She hadn't run competitively in years (no road races since back in the day!) and I said I would run the whole thing with her and low and behold the women is just as stubborn as I am :) She wanted to walk, but just wouldn't give in even though she really hadn't been running that far lately. I was so very proud of her!! I guess this competitive spirit may be somewhat nature AND nuture!!!

Lastly, I've been spending some great time with my girls, having fun and taking a break from sport lately. I almost had a completely different ending to this season.. but it ended up not working out.. so, I'm just dealing with some things in my own way.. and getting used to the idea that it really is over for 2011. It's taken some time to let it rest that way, but it is, and you know what.. I'm good :) Life is good :) and I am just beyond thankful for all the blessings of this year!!

How about you? What are you thankful for about 2011??

What Will You Do?

It's that time of year.





You know what time I mean.. the time where many people's seasons are coming to a close and they are starting to think about next year. They are dreaming.. they are letting their bodies and minds take a break from "the grind." They are mountain biking, seeing friends, thanking family and their respective others for supporting them for one more year. They're wondering what could have made the year different, better.. what gave them the edge.. what worked.. what didn't.

They're wondering.. examining, analyzing and crunching the numbers.

It's an exciting time of year. I love it. The leaves are changing and the air has a chill in it when I set out to run in the early morning. You wear more layers, you watch the world wake up as the darkness turns to light. You feel a little regrowth.. and you start planning, races, training trips and saving for that new "___" insert any piece of triathlon equipment because, let's be honest, they are all expensive :)

Plenty of questions come up and I think questions are great. Question everything. If your coach or dietitian says they have all the answers, be afraid, very afraid. Two of my friends were getting their coaching certification this weekend and I couldn't help but think of my certification weekend and how much I've learned since then (and how very far I still have to go!). The best part is that as I'm constantly learning and growing, its a subject I'm completely crazy about. I'm still like a sponge, soaking up every last bit of knowledge I can gain from other coaches, from athlete's experiences on the race course, and from successes and sometimes even more so from not so successes!

I am a life long learner in this area. So now it's time for me to ask the questions to each of you..

What will you do this upcoming season to improve, to have a different outcome or to enjoy the balance of training and life even more? What are you willing to sacrifice or do differently to get that outcome? How do you see yourself in that first race of the season next year? What about the last race? How far will you have come not just physically, but in your life-balance? What will make the difference? What will give you strength, confidence and the chance to live your dreams?

Whatever it is, spend some time thinking about those things now. This sport starts and ends with those around you that help give you this time and lift you up to even just make it to start line. Make sure you thank them now..right now... give them a hug and show them by giving them time and love.

Start to plan.. think about it.... and plan some more. Be honest about the things that limited you, and addresses them. Was it nutrition? Was it consistency? Was it time? Was it late bed times?

Whatever it was, have an honest talk with yourself about those things and be realistic about them. Just know this.. it's not always the coaches fault :)

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Look around you, see who is a part of your life that could assist you once you've done your homework. Is it a seasoned tri veteran, a dietitian, a coach or a bike mechanic or even just one of your friends looking from the outside in.

Think about why you first started this journey and what you still want out of it? What makes it enjoyable, fun, exciting and new each time you put on your running / biking shoes...

Then go out there, and make it happen :)

What I DO Want to Remember About Hawaii!!

Hawaii is gorgeous. Actually, it's not just gorgeous, its spectacularly untouched in parts, remains a mystery in others. It's a place where you are overwhelmed by the sights, smells and sounds that never enter your normal every day life.

It's the place you constantly see on Bree Wee's Blog of her swimming with dolphins or doing eating exotic fruit and you think in the dead of Pennsylvania winter - WHY CAN'T THAT BE ME!? Well, once the Ironman was over, the second half of the trip began and we had four glorious days to explore and see the island. It was just awesome. Our time started with a little party on Sunday night with some great friends and transitioned into kayaking, Kona Brewing (my favorite pizza and beer in the whole world - Try the Hefferveisen if you ever go there!) and some strait up R & R. I needed it, desperately! Kyle and Deb had been so very patient as I went through all of the pre-race motions, now it was there turn too to have fun and not worry about a "schedule" for the rest of our time.

Kayaking was my most favorite part of the trip. I had ALWAYS wanted to swim with dolphins....always, for as long as I can remember! When we picked up the Kayaks I heard that they had been seeing them in Kealakekua Bay I just about flipped! As we paddled out, I kept hoping and praying that we would see them!!!! Low and behold we saw a group of kayaks all huddled around this area and I heard the puff of a blow hole right beside me! I got so excited I started pulling off my life vest and shoes and bam! I was throwing the rope out of the kayak to Kyle to hold so I could bail!! It was time! It was my dream.. or as Kyle and I say.. whelp.. see ya later!

We spent at least 40 minutes with me diving down and taking a peek at them underwater. I watched them play and swim upside down. I watched the light bounce off of them and then sometimes they would jump right out of the water and spin in a circle before splashing back down (they were Spinner Dolphins). It was simply amazing.

Finally we made it over the island where you'll find Captain Cooks Memorial and instead of snorkeling, I just slept. Nap time has been missed and I finally, finally got a chance to just relax and forget about triathlon, Facebook, Blogs, Email, Work etc. for a little which was a much needed break.

It was a wonderful day with Kyle and Deb and a perfect way to spend part of our trip. I highly recommend it if you are ever in the area!! A special thanks to Kyle for making the arrangements and holding the rope and Deb for indulging my inner child as I yelled about how cool it was for like 20 minutes straight (oh and to the Spinner Dolphins who came out and made this girls day!!)

Alive and Kickin

Well I'm back..

In more ways that one :)

I'm back in town, back in my nice bed, back to work :( and back to a little light training! I feel good, great in fact. I'm surprised how good I feel (besides the jetlag, which is literally, killing me!). Maybe that's what happens when you gingerly run the IM marathon leg because your butt and hamstring muscles won't move. Who knows!

This is a beautiful time of year to count your blessings, look around and be happy that you're able to run, able to breath fresh air and have friends and family around.

Kona reminded me of that big time. If I thought I had some nice notes and emails before, the aftermath of Kona brought on a whole new awesome, amazing, wonderful slew of them and I was once again reminded that it's not so much about places or times, but people who care about me and come along on this journey we call life. Sure, I put countless hours into Kona, too many to count. I visualized, and saved money and prayed.. all to prepare to have "that race" but it wasn't to be. I've accepted it, and I've moved on.

Let me tell you, one of the cooler things that has happened in awhile is that upon return I got this email:

Hi, my name is Griffin and I saw a video about you on youtube one day and was inspired right away. I am 13 and this was my first year in triathlons. I competed in 3 solo sprint triathlons and won the 0-15 male age-group in all 3. I still felt like i had slacked off a bit and when i looked at the national rankings on the USAT website i was determined to make it to the top of the list. For the past 2 weeks i have pushed myself in my workouts. I set 3 personal records, i ran 2 miles further than ever before, biked my loop 10 minutes faster than ever, and swam a mile in 25 minutes. You inspired me to work harder and showed that no goal is out of reach. Thank you.

Now that, was exciting. THAT got me excited and happy that I have an awesome husband who takes the time to document our adventures and create things that speak to people. THAT showed me that once again, this is not about me, it's about others.. helping them, inspiring them and giving them hope that their life can be better / healthier / more fulfilling if they take care of their bodies. I emailed Griffin back, and we have been corresponding ever since. Maybe he needs a coach - maybe I'll be coaching an Olympian someday! Who knows!

There is a song that talks about leaving a legacy. I try to ask myself what I want that to be for me.. yes, at the ripe old age of 32 this is what I am thinking about! I know, I'm a nut. I can't help it though.

When Steve Jobs passed away last week I thought of this quote from his graduation speech, which I think holds true for all of us:

I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself- "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

I've got to tell you, I completely agree.

I hope each of you find what you are searching for in this life and consider what kind of legacy what you're doing will bring. The more I think about all of this, the farther I realize I have to go.. but I don't think that's going to stop my from trying... yep.. I have not yet begun to fight :)

Have a great day! Go make something happen!!

Kona 2011 Afterthoughts...

(note: This is not water, these are blisters)
I'm glad I wrote my race report right away. It was all pretty fresh right then and I think to revisit is later, would have just hurt. It still stings a little when I think about it. After every race, I tell my athletes to write down some things that went well, and some things they want to change for next time. This is just a part of the sport. It's best to do it when we are fresh (preferably with pictures too if it helps keep it at the forefront in your mind).

The thing about Ironman is that we don't just prepare for a week or even a month for an Ironman. We prepare for a year. How many races or events require somewhere around a year to seven months to get ready. Not many. That's probably why there aren't a ton of us that do this!

The other thing that is interesting is that triathlon continues to grow. What I've found...people like a challenge. Sometimes they reach this point in their life where things just aren't panning out the way they thought. They are in the middle of their years, sitting at a desk job all day, not feeling young active or anything remotely close to it. Maybe it was their friend that talked them into it. Maybe it was just waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night with the feeling that something has to give. Either way, I think it's a good thing. If they are lucky, the begin their journey right then and there. They start reading online, they figure out how to take the first step. It's not a huge step to a sprint, but it invigorates them, breathes life into them. They feel their first finish line that required not one, but THREE sports to get to it and they fall intensely in love with it.

Sometimes that's all it takes.

For those of us that have done this for awhile, we still remember our first times toeing the line. How scared we were, how crazy it felt to be grabbing this bike and jumping on! Oh and let us not forget, the SWIM for those of us who didn't grow up swimming.

Mistakes are a part of triathlon, and a part of life. If we are not making mistakes, we are not growing, and if we are not growing, then what the heck are we even doing here on this earth. However, it has also been said that repeating the same mistakes over and over again and expecting to get different results is the definition of insanity. I might be crazy, but insane, well, I like to THINK I am not.

I made a few grave errors in Kona and the thing about Kona is that it has no forgiveness. None. It's so harsh and so brutal that any mistake you make is magnified by 110%. In any other race, you might be able to bring things back around. There, it's a different story. It just burns more, wind whips you more, sun bakes you more, heat dehydrates you more and your mind seems to play with you more (at least for me in comparison to my other races).

Hot races are difficult for me.

There. I said it. Hi, my name is Kim and I am a MASSIVE sweater. If I am not SPOT ON with my nutrition, I might as well pack it up, walk off the course and tell everyone else to have a nice day. I cannot keep having this same talk about dehydration. Personally, I'm sick of it. St. Croix 2008, Clearwater 2009, Buffalo Springs Lake 2010 and now Kona 2011. One race per year I'm just botching it up. It impacts my race so greatly and I need to start really taking a look at what else I can do. Make no mistake, I mentally realize what's going on pre race and post race and my PLAN is sound.. but at the times during the race, when my salt gets low and I'm in the heat of competition, my decision making process is not "on" and that is why I'm making bad choices. If I have to practice switching from Infinite to Ironman perform half way through my long rides.. then I'll just have to do it. I kept thinking - no, Infinite will always taste good, my body will always be fine with it. You know what, sometimes you just have a day where your body wants to do something else. In that case, you better have a plan B and have practiced with it. That was precisely why I didn't switch in Kona, I hadn't practiced and I wasn't risking it. In hindsight, probably should have just switched because the end result wasn't what I wanted either.

Second though, sunscreen. I've always had really good luck with Kinesis sunscreen. For some reason this race, I disregarded that important fact. I just used whatever was available to me from people that morning pre-race and that was a huge mistake. Other sunscreens, even if they say "water and sweat proof" are not Ironman proof. Ironman is a different level and Kona is a WHOLE different level. You've got to take it seriously because one wrong decision could seriously impact your whole day.

I strait up started freaking out on the run. Besides the dehydration and then my back was killing me from my time on the bike, I was just feeling awful. Sapped of energy and just like my body was falling apart. By the time I got sunscreen on in T2 it was way too late. Missing it completely in T1 was a terrible idea. Even the upper half of my back would have saved me. Instead, I just rushed out and completely forgot since Kinesis is usually my back up and has saved me on a number of occasions.

In hindsight things are always clearer. They are more "DUH" what were you thinking? But the thing is, we all make mistakes, but these are two I really should know better. Little things, amplified by this race.

So, let's hold each other accountable shall we! Feel free to leave a comment about your big race boo-boo and I'll remind you before your next race to make a different decision (if you have a blog or we are friends on FB etc.). PLEASE do the same for me.. this sunburn is going to peel for days, probably twice, so that should help me remember for awhile.

Thanks for all your kind comments on my last blog. Wow.. I know some of you so well and you are always supportive, always amazing and caring and I appreciate it so much. Thank you.. I mean that.. thank you.

Kona 2011

Where to begin! Let me first say that Kona is amazing. 100% strait up pure triathlon adrenaline rush amazing. If you ever have the chance to come here, not even for the Ironman, but just to come here, you should. The people are beyond wonderful, kind and willing to help, the town is beautiful, cute and has all the amenities of home, and the training is hot, has every kind of terrain you could want and the water is quite possibly the most beautiful in all the world (in my opinion). My experience this week has been filled with everything from people running around in their under ware, to speaking about coaching at the expo, to seeing my friends and of course, getting ready to race.

Pre-race here is always intense. It requires lots and lots of prep here. Much more than other races it seems. There's just a lot going on here PERIOD. People to see, blogger friends to meet (Marni, Libby!) and Pittsburgh had 8 athletes here so lots of group dinners etc. In addition, Ty and Ryan Ballou were here with us, so it made for a wonderful pre-race team dinner etc. Plus, my Ballou Skies girls and I had matching outfits for the under ware run which was way cool!

The race itself...well, it definitely wasn't the day I had planned or the day I was hoping for, that is for sure.

Note: This may (and I said MAY) be the shortest race report I have ever written.

The morning of the race went as planned, no issues. When I headed into the water I lined up far left due to my Ironman Lake Placid Panic attack and I wanted to be able to "get out" if things started to get dicey. When the cannon blew I found myself in a perfect position and I got out rather well swimming with a small group and moving right along. Everything was pretty great until at one point I looked over an entire group was swimming directly at me. YES, at me. NO idea how that happened. I guess whoever I was sighting off of wasn't doing that great of a job. Anyway, I promptly did an about face and tried to swim in the direction they were going! Finally we made it to the sailboat turn around and headed back toward home. The highlight was definitively seeing 10 dolphins right below us as the light broke through the water. I wanted to stay and look at them, and maybe I should have if I would have known what was in store for the rest of the day, but there was much work to be done. When I got out of the water I was very surprised to see 1:10 on the clock! Really!! I had been feeling like I was going much faster. I moved on, no sense in worrying about that now.

After forgetting sunscreen in T1 (remember that for later), I headed out on the bike optimistic and ready to race. The out and back through town is dicey and crazy. Men going way too fast for the narrow roads and just wall to wall people. I took it conservatively and tried to settle into my own pace / not crash. Finally, we were out on the queen K and I was feeling pretty good. I started my nutrition plan and was just steadily moving along. Sure, there were some packs, I just did my best not to get involved. Each time a marshal passed, I got a nod that everything I was doing was cool.

Cadence, check. Heart rate, check. Nutrition, check. I was moving right along. The wind picked up slightly about 30 miles in and then at 45 while we climbed up to Hawi... it hit. I was just floored by how progressively worst it got through the 50-60 mile section. At one point, I actually yelled out in frustration as I could barely keep the bike moving forward without pressure on the pedals. I got frustrated and out of sorts.. I stopped drinking and just held on for dear life. I figured it will all get better once I made the turn around, but by then, precious fluids and salt within those bottles had been missed. Bad conditions, bad decisions. I had a little under half a bottle left at the turn around which should have been gone by mile 60. When I replaced them I thought "I can turn this around, everything will be fine!" Then my bike got wings. Flying down at 34 miles per hour I didn't dare take my hands off the bars. Precious time I'm gaining I kept thinking, precious time! Now I was in the 68 mile range, still far from drinking on schedule. In trying to catch up, I finally got it down and switched, more than half and hour from schedule. Around 80 miles the head wind kicked in and I started to feel my glutes and hamstrings tightening, my power was going down with each stroke and I had a hard time sticking to my prescribed cadence. Things were going south and they were on the express train.

My second to last bottle was warm and each time I drank it, I started to gag. It was the last thing on earth I wanted to do was drink it, but I kept trying. Instead I focused on water, leaving me missing precious electrolytes.

As the wind and sun beat me down, I felt my back just cooking under the UV rays. I could see my skin turning deeper and deeper shades of red. At some point I started wondering if I had enough focus to make it back to Kona without crashing or falling off the bike. "Just get back," I kept saying to myself quietly. Thoughts of certain times and places were slowly falling away. At that point, I couldn't even mentally entertain the marathon... "Just get back Kim, you can do it, make it back!"

Finally, I pulled into town and made my way to transition. I was so happy to be in there I thought about staying. The volunteers rushed me out though and what the heck, I might as well try to run a marathon. I was so out of it I forgot my baggie with my own flavors of gels and extra salt right in the T2 bag. Nice Kim, nice.

Out on the run I started to feel a little better. I was clicking along at 7:30 pace. Humm.. maybe my body was fine! Maybe it was just "a bad patch" as we all have in ironman! Around mile 6 I started to notice my skin had little divots in it and they formed these strange lines..I got worried. Really worried. It was either dehydration or sun poisoning, or both. By the time I hit Palani hill around a little short of mile ten, I was in trouble. Kyle and his Mom were standing there on the edge of the road and I stopped. Our conversation went like this:

Kyle: Are you ok?

Kim: No, I'm not sure if something is really wrong or if I should keep going or what.. my skin looks weird, my glutes and hamstrings are really, really tight and I just don't feel well. Do you think I will hurt myself if I keep going??

Kyle: Well, it's the world championships, I don't think you should quit, but only you can make that call.

Kim: Ok.. well, I'm going to keep going if I can, might be a long day though just so you know.

So, I chipped away at the hill and temperature on the Queen K rose to 120+ degrees. I could feel the heat through my shoes. My muscles got progressively worst until I could no longer use them. My glutes were like rocks. I stopped to stretch and couldn't even bend over. It was a disaster. I was at mile 13. The thought of walking the rest of the marathon was inconceivable, so was the thought of running it. Every step meant pain, walking or running. After walking for about 5 minutes I determined that the faster I got back, the faster I could seek medical help, so away I shuffled.

The next miles were long and drawn out. One mile seemed to take forever. I saw friends, they encouraged me and the only thing I could think about was all the people checking for updates. There was only so much I could do, and this was it...Kyle and Deb were out there on the course and they knew by my gait things were bad, very bad. Kyle told me he loved me and to keep going, so I did. Slowly but surely, I swallowed my pride, got passed by everyone and their brother and just. kept. going.

Night started to fall and the temperature dropped. Running down Palani at mile 25 I heard Cathy and Teresa yell for me and I couldn't hold it in one more second. Tears started streaming down my face behind my glasses.

When I finally turned the corner, people were cheering for me by name and I gave a thumbs up. They didn't know anything about my day, but they knew I was finishing.. and that was my only goal from about mile 80 on. I had made it to 140.6 on sheer will, everyone's thoughts and prayers and nothing else. My body had long tapped out. It was just me and my thoughts that kept each painful step moving.

During my last three Ironmans I've felt nothing but total joy and elation. This shoot was completely different for me. It was a combination of thankfulness, disappointment, awe of my mental fortitude and just a dizzy blur of pushing my body to make it those last miles. The second Mike Reiley shouted "You are an Ironman" I made the Ballou Skies heart, pointed to the sky to say thanks for the blessings of the day and burst in sobs. My body gave out. That was it, not another step to be taken.

The amazing volunteers grabbed me and rushed me into the tent. I couldn't move my legs to even take a step. My glutes and hamstrings had locked into complete spasms. Dizzy, crying and confused I tried to explain that I hadn't peed during the day. I tried once, but nothing but a trickle. When they weighed me, I'd lost around 7 lbs. For a 120 lb girl, that's a lot.

Doctors are angels and nurses are right there with them. After assessing my blood pressure and seeing my skin pucker when they pinched it they knew I needed fluids so very badly. Two bags of IV fluid later and I finally stopped shaking.

It was a long, hot day.. and a day I will not soon forget. Why? Well, that's easy.. because I think I might be more proud and thankful for yesterday than any other Ironman yet. It's easy to keep going when things are going our way, but what about the other times.. the times when you know people will see your results and instead of saying "wow, she / he had a PR or placed this or that" they say "Geezz, she placed 56, that's not her best time or place or I hope she's ok!?" There's no other reason to keep going except for out of respect for your competitors who tried to make it to this place and you got the spot, for boys like Ryan Ballou who were so excited to see you on the race course, and for your own reasons in your heart that have nothing to do with anyone or anything else, the reasons why you started this sport and why you love it still.

I finished yesterday. I am an Ironman once again. I'm so very thankful that I took a journey on this amazing island for 140.6 miles. It wasn't the journey I'd expected, but I learned a whole lot more about myself on such a tough day that I didn't know before it started.

Thank you to my family for being here with me - Kyle, Deb, and Randy. Thank you to everyone who follow me, took a moment to write a message on my FB wall, sent me an email, mailed a card or just gave me a word of encouragement on the race course. You are my hero's and no matter the day I have out there, it is good to know you are there for me. I'm so blessed.

Thanks to my Ballou Skies teammates, sponsors like Top Gear and Powerbar, and everyone else who touches my life in a positive way.

Three more days on the Island and I plan to enjoy every last one!!

Trust

Each time before I big race a few words always come to mind. For some reason, this one is the most prevalent every single time. It's not a long word.. or even a complicated one. It doesn't require a dictionary and it can mean many different things to different people.

With all that said, one thing is always true. You've got to have it before an event like the Ironman World Championships, or any big race or even life event for that matter.

I think Angela Naeth said it best when she was quoted saying "In sport, pain and suffering are choices, and anyone who complains about their choices needs to change their choices. Yes, training hurts, but it beats not training." Source: Slowtwitch.com

Why is trust so important when we see the quote above? In my mind it's 100% necessary to go into something as the pressure mounts and the suffering part, well my friends, that isn't an option, it's a given.

I don't care if you plan on coming in first or dead last... Ironman is a long tough day out there. It will have many unforeseen twists and turns. It will test your will beyond measure and it will literally only be you and your thoughts out there for 100% of 9+ hour day. Ironman isn't easy. If it was, everyone would do it.

When I start reading from Ironman.com that the women's 30-34 is the deepest it's been in 10 years, when I start feeling that anxious build up to the start line and when I pack my race bags only to see them again on the course.... trust.. is a must.

I trust my Coach, Coach Justin, that he's prepared me physically and mentally to execute the best race possible.

I trust my friends and family, that they will spend tomorrow lifting me up and carrying me when times get tough. I trust that no matter where I finish, they will love me, care about me and never give up on me.

I trust myself, that I will give it absolutely everything I have, no matter how hard it gets, no matter HOW much I WANT to quit (and I know I will at more than one point) that I will not quit. That I will left right, left right all the way until I hear those words once again "Kim, you are an ironman!"

I trust my faith, that it always loves, always forgives and never fails. That it is bigger than all of this and that it will be tested, but that it will always come out on top in the end.

Finally, I trust that I'm doing something bigger than just racing. I'm racing to help boys like Ryan Ballou live longer, healthier lives and that when I see him tomorrow out on the course, that each step will be more than worth it.

Trust. Such a simple word, but the more I race, the more I learn and the more I test myself, the more this word means to me. My most trusted family is here, Kyle and Deb are with me. Everyone else, well, you're here too.. right here in my heart. Even in my darkest hours out there on the Queen K slugging through the miles in the heat of the day.. I am never.. ever alone.

Thank you in advance for everyone who has reached out this week to drop a line, send a hug and tell me they are there. It means so much to me. Thank you in advance for all of your thoughts and prayers on Saturday. I'll take every last one.

This is number #1702, signing off. See you at the finish!!